Day 3 and 4

This should be relatively short. Today I am stopping my fast, but will continue juicing. Unfortunately, Penelope has had bright green watery poop only for the last day and a half, which according to her pediatrician and a lactation consultant means that she is not getting enough fat. I am not going to go hog wild, but revert back to juicing with healthy meals and whole foods. I am really looking forward to a handful of raw walnuts and some avocado in a few minutes.

Even though my husband is the one who encouraged me to call a LC and our pedi, as he was concerned I still feel like a failure. I know I'm not, as everything I read says not to fast and breast feed. I just desperately want to get healthier (and admittedly thinner) sooner rather than later. I know it is feasible  and that fasting isn't the only way there. Still though, I feel like I will be judged. I feel like there are people who will think I am just giving up with excuses. I need to know that what they think isn't what is important, but doing my best for my family is. I will continue to blog, as healthy eating doesn't come easily to me either.

Hopefully my stomach has had time to shrink to a normal size, and I will be full on less food. I know I can avoid fast food and make healthy food choices. I know I can, and I will.

Day One and Two Ramble

I don't intend for this to ramble, but I feel pretty sure that it will. As I "write" this in my head throughout the day, I think of a whole bunch of things to say only half of which make it onto the screen. I might be too hungry to edit myself much today.

I am hungry. It is a different hungry though, more like an addiction. If I listen to my stomach and body, I drink juice when it rumbles or a little before. I don't feel particularly weak, though I am a bit wobbly. I am however, having obsessive thoughts. About stuffed crust pizza and double cheddar butter burgers. Worse, I really REALLY want the Cold Stone in my freezer. Cheesecake ice cream with strawberries, pineapple, and graham cracker pie crust. It is calling to me. I know the wise thing to do is throw it away. I mean, I am doing this juice "feast" for 12 days minimum. I would like to go longer. There is no way that ice cream is going to miraculously become healthier by the time I am done, and there is no way it is even going to be any good when I am done.

So why is it still there? I don't really know. Maybe I am expecting to fail. Maybe it is like a security blanket, tucked safely away to console me when I feel extra happy for sad or frustrated. I know there are healthier ways to deal with my feelings. Healthier ways to treat my body, so step one is to throw it away. When I am done, it will be gone.

There, I committed to it. That is a strange thing, committing to something out loud. It is different than thinking it, because that is only for me. I am the only one who knows, and the only one to think poorly of myself when I inevitably fail. But putting it out, for anyone to read and know is actually refreshing. I know that there are people behind me, silently cheering. People who value me more than I have valued myself, and believe I can do it. Because you know, I must know.

So, instead of ice cream I am going to finish my green juice of the day and make a sweet juice. Of pineapple, grapefruit, lemon, lime and oranges. I will respect my body and my commitment and enjoy the juice. In fact, I am slowly convincing myself to look forward to it.

I have done some more thinking about the milk supply thing. So far, so good. I am also pumping milk for a mom who is unable to breastfeed and the amount I am able to pump for her in INCREASING. Penelope is having just as many wet diapers, and quite a few more poopy ones. Thankfully, that means she is getting enough. She seems to be doing well.

Another concern I read is that in doing a juice fast, you are detoxing and in turn giving your baby the toxins. This could be true, it could be a myth and it could be okay anyway. Because for someone who was eating tons of crap and filling her milk with toxins anyway, this has to be better. I may be releasing toxins, but that is all I was providing before. The good news is I feel good, aside from obsessive thoughts about food and Penelope seems pretty good too.

Jason has been trying the juice in the morning, and admittedly it isn't very good. I have just been including a little (a lot actually, for a whole days worth) of everything I have. In doing this I provide myself with everything and I only have to wash the juicer once. However, I also have to hold my breath as I chug down the concoction trying not to taste it.

Today, I took a good look at my pulp. Unfortunately, There are some greens that make it through almost whole, which means they are not getting juiced. Once I am done with the fast I will look into a masticating juicer, which is supposed to be great for greens. Until then, I ran the pulp through a second time and got 10 more ounces!



I have read a few juice recipes, and I think I am going to be washing the juicer more. I would really like to enjoy what I am drinking and I am willing to wash the juicer more to get there. Speaking of the juicer, my awesome husband build a counter and cabinet just for it. We have a serious lack of counter space, so I love it.

I also love ice cream, but I am off to throw it away. Wish me luck. I apologize for the ramble, but I needed the distraction of writing to get through the rest of today. They say it gets easier. I sure hope they are right.

My Juicer

is pretty good. From the reviews I read, it is a cheap juicer that does almost as good of a job as an expensive one. So far, I couldn't think of what a more expensive one could do that this one couldn't. This morning, I found out.

Notice the giant bag of carrots on the bottom right.

See, when I went shopping and bought a fridge full of veggies and a counter full of fruits I found some deliciously ripe pears. Organic, and on sale. Sweet! (Literally, ha ha). When I read in the juicing book to use firm apples because they juice better, I took no time to think of why. So, when I put my smushy pears in the juicer I was surprised at the think smoothie like substance that came sludging out of the spout. It didn't occur to me that smushy fruit wouldn't juice well, at all. In fact, it caused me to have to disassemble the juicer mid juice, clean it and put it back together.



All of the pear gunk

This wasn't a problem, but did disappoint me slightly. See, today was the first day that I was making an entire days worth of juice. Cleaning the juicer 2,3 or 4 times a day is a pain. No matter the design, I think any juicer is going to have quite a few parts that need disassembled, cleaned and put back together. This juicer is no exception. Although, for the amount of vegetables and fruits that went into it today, I was pleasantly surprised. This is what went in

*A huge amount of carrots. As it turns out, carrots are great for pushing everything else through. Plus, I bought a 25lb bag (much cheaper) and they need used.


This x4 is about as many carrots as went in.

*Two whole packages/heads of kale.
*One whole spinach thing (when I say whole, I mean amount tied together and sold as "1").
*5 pears
*One cucumber
*Two apples

After round 1

*A whole thing of celery
*A finger sized piece of ginger.
*Two lemons (with peels)
*Two oranges (with peels)
*Three beats (with leaves)
* One head of broccoli

I started out with less, but as I went I realized I would need a lot more. See, we haven't had any juice in two days. After my last blog post, my amazing friend came for a surprise visit and we went out. This involved buffalo wings, pretzels, cheesy fries and numerous other items of deliciousness. We also went to breakfast the next day, and I enjoyed banana caramel pancakes. Following which we went to ikea, which inspired a bit of a kitchen project (that closed the kitchen the following day). So, todays juice was the first. And today is really my first day of only juice. My goal is 12 days.

Previously, I mentioned concerns with just juice and my milk supply. My dad mentioned something interesting, an article about a woman in Africa, breastfeeding. While the mother is starving, the baby has fat rolls and adorable cheeks. So, although I realize the risk in potentially reducing my milk supply I don't think that will be the case. I will keep an eye out, but the body can do amazing things. More importantly, a juice fast is NOT starving yourself. There is no limit to the amount of juice you can have.

A gallon of juice

Also, in combining juice with super healthy foods I noticed that the times I was really hungry was after eating the healthy foods, not after the juice. According to some research, that is because the juice does not activate the digestive system the way whole foods do. So, hopefully I can actually be LESS hungry on tons of juice, than I am on juice with whole foods.

Jason said that he is considering doing just juice for today. We are headed to visit family later this week, which will add a challenge to this for me. Thankfully, they have a juicer to lend us which makes this immeasurably easier. I am pretty good at finding excuses not to do the things I know are good for me (see above) but I know I can do this. Sans smushy fruits, my juicer can too.

Another Day, Another Dollar

Spent, that is. Today is the day for grocery shopping, and although I know it is totally worth it (and cheaper if I considered all of the eating out we were doing) I know the grocery bill is going to be higher. Unfortunately there aren't many coupons for fresh fruits and veggies. And now that I have read what happens to non-organic produce, I can add that stipulation to our bill too.

As I said though, we were doing A TON of eating out. So much in fact, that if I think about the money wasted I might cry. Not only were we doing a huge disservice to our wallet, but more importantly to our bodies. So yes, fruits and veggies (especially organic) cost a lot, but as I read on another blog, so does cancer. And obesity, heart disease and diabetes (does anyone else picture Wilford Brimley when they read that?).

Last night, we had AMAZINGLY DELICOUS dinner, that my parents here in AZ made for us for Jason's birthday. We had refried beans, rice, and chimichangas along with the usual toppings (cheese, lettuce, fresh salsa and avocado). I did my best to have a lot of lettuce, salsa, tomato and avocado but I had my fair share of chimi. Deep fried delicious goodness, coating my cells with their toxicity.

Okay, that is an exaggeration but really I could feel the difference after I ate that, compared to my food today. Today I made a delicious beet juice (beets, celery, carrots, apples, lemon, ginger and kale) and we drank it twice. I also had  hard boiled eggs with super whole grain bread (5 ingredients) spread with almond butter and honey. It is a little more solid food than I was going for when the day started, but I still feel good and nourished. Not deprived at all.

Tomorrow I am going to have a juice only day. I can't think of a reason not to, as one day shouldn't effect my milk. I love have awake I feel, and how rested I am after sleep. I don't feel sluggish or overburdened by food, and best of all I am not thinking about it all of the time.

As a person who has always been either very on a diet, or very off it is hard for me to accept this balance. This idea I am drilling into my head of food being fuel, but it is working. I don't have to feel guilty for my chimi indulgence (or the cake that followed) but I can recognize how I make my body feel, and take action toward a positive end. So, on this beautiful day I am off to spend another dollar but I know it will all be worth it. I just know it.

Baby Steps

Yup, me in too few clothes on the internet.

I warn you now to stop reading if you don't want to see me in my underwear. Trust me, it isn't pretty. But the beginning of most things worth doing isn't particularly easy or good looking.

My starting weight is 285 pounds. I am already struggling not to make this about my weight or the size of my jeans (which is 24, by the way). This journey is about me, my husband and mostly my daughter. I want, need to be a good example. I need to have a positive relationship with food, using it as fuel and not as a way to drown my emotions, whether that be happiness, sadness or plain boredom.

I have decided to use juicing as one part of my journey. I can't JUST juice, as I am exclusively breast feeding and need to continue to produce milk for my daughter. However, I can juice and make smoothies and eat whole foods provided to me by the earth. I can think of food as fuel, and make conscious choices about what goes into my body.

This journey started yesterday, my first day of being 25 years old. I have a journal entry from my 11th birthday, with a picture I drew of me in a bikini and a blurb about my dream to one day wear one. That was 14 years ago, and it kills me that I have had the same thought, the same self deprecating thoughts everyday since then, and many days before.

My husband wants to juice exclusively, after we watched "Fat , Sick and Nearly Dead" this morning. He drinks the juices I make him, albeit with a slight scowl on his face. He weighs a little more than me, but at 6'3'' looks much slimmer. He also struggles less with our exercise though he is older.

I have included some photos of the first few juices I have made, some of which were easier to swallow than others. When I make a smoothie with orange juice, I include the orange peel which adds some hard to handle tartness.

The first green juice I made included an entire lemon (with peel) though since I have cut it down to half. I also include kale, spinach, carrots, apple, cucumber, celery and parsley. Two apples instead of one helps it go down. This combo is shared in two large glasses between my husband and I.

This one was not so good, very tart from the peels.

I made an awesome smoothie today (without dirtying the juicer!) of avocado, banana, frozen berries, cherries, peaches and vanilla almond milk. It was SO GOOD. However, I did use Silk almond milk instead of making my own, which upon further inspection includes refined sugar. Boo :(

This one was AWESOME.

Aside from juices and smoothies, I have had whole fruits, salads with whole fresh ingredients, hard boiled eggs and greek yogurt. The yogurt is Chobani pineapple, which is more processed than I should be eating, but is a far step above fast food once a day. I had sushi last night, which is white rice which I should also avoid. We have started walking too (me, hubby, baby and dogs). Four miles the first day and three the second. Doesn't seem like much. Baby steps. That's what I have to remember, baby steps. I can do this. I am worth this. And if I struggle finding
                                          my own value, I know that my daughter is worth this.