Day One and Two Ramble

I don't intend for this to ramble, but I feel pretty sure that it will. As I "write" this in my head throughout the day, I think of a whole bunch of things to say only half of which make it onto the screen. I might be too hungry to edit myself much today.

I am hungry. It is a different hungry though, more like an addiction. If I listen to my stomach and body, I drink juice when it rumbles or a little before. I don't feel particularly weak, though I am a bit wobbly. I am however, having obsessive thoughts. About stuffed crust pizza and double cheddar butter burgers. Worse, I really REALLY want the Cold Stone in my freezer. Cheesecake ice cream with strawberries, pineapple, and graham cracker pie crust. It is calling to me. I know the wise thing to do is throw it away. I mean, I am doing this juice "feast" for 12 days minimum. I would like to go longer. There is no way that ice cream is going to miraculously become healthier by the time I am done, and there is no way it is even going to be any good when I am done.

So why is it still there? I don't really know. Maybe I am expecting to fail. Maybe it is like a security blanket, tucked safely away to console me when I feel extra happy for sad or frustrated. I know there are healthier ways to deal with my feelings. Healthier ways to treat my body, so step one is to throw it away. When I am done, it will be gone.

There, I committed to it. That is a strange thing, committing to something out loud. It is different than thinking it, because that is only for me. I am the only one who knows, and the only one to think poorly of myself when I inevitably fail. But putting it out, for anyone to read and know is actually refreshing. I know that there are people behind me, silently cheering. People who value me more than I have valued myself, and believe I can do it. Because you know, I must know.

So, instead of ice cream I am going to finish my green juice of the day and make a sweet juice. Of pineapple, grapefruit, lemon, lime and oranges. I will respect my body and my commitment and enjoy the juice. In fact, I am slowly convincing myself to look forward to it.

I have done some more thinking about the milk supply thing. So far, so good. I am also pumping milk for a mom who is unable to breastfeed and the amount I am able to pump for her in INCREASING. Penelope is having just as many wet diapers, and quite a few more poopy ones. Thankfully, that means she is getting enough. She seems to be doing well.

Another concern I read is that in doing a juice fast, you are detoxing and in turn giving your baby the toxins. This could be true, it could be a myth and it could be okay anyway. Because for someone who was eating tons of crap and filling her milk with toxins anyway, this has to be better. I may be releasing toxins, but that is all I was providing before. The good news is I feel good, aside from obsessive thoughts about food and Penelope seems pretty good too.

Jason has been trying the juice in the morning, and admittedly it isn't very good. I have just been including a little (a lot actually, for a whole days worth) of everything I have. In doing this I provide myself with everything and I only have to wash the juicer once. However, I also have to hold my breath as I chug down the concoction trying not to taste it.

Today, I took a good look at my pulp. Unfortunately, There are some greens that make it through almost whole, which means they are not getting juiced. Once I am done with the fast I will look into a masticating juicer, which is supposed to be great for greens. Until then, I ran the pulp through a second time and got 10 more ounces!



I have read a few juice recipes, and I think I am going to be washing the juicer more. I would really like to enjoy what I am drinking and I am willing to wash the juicer more to get there. Speaking of the juicer, my awesome husband build a counter and cabinet just for it. We have a serious lack of counter space, so I love it.

I also love ice cream, but I am off to throw it away. Wish me luck. I apologize for the ramble, but I needed the distraction of writing to get through the rest of today. They say it gets easier. I sure hope they are right.