Baby Steps

Yup, me in too few clothes on the internet.

I warn you now to stop reading if you don't want to see me in my underwear. Trust me, it isn't pretty. But the beginning of most things worth doing isn't particularly easy or good looking.

My starting weight is 285 pounds. I am already struggling not to make this about my weight or the size of my jeans (which is 24, by the way). This journey is about me, my husband and mostly my daughter. I want, need to be a good example. I need to have a positive relationship with food, using it as fuel and not as a way to drown my emotions, whether that be happiness, sadness or plain boredom.

I have decided to use juicing as one part of my journey. I can't JUST juice, as I am exclusively breast feeding and need to continue to produce milk for my daughter. However, I can juice and make smoothies and eat whole foods provided to me by the earth. I can think of food as fuel, and make conscious choices about what goes into my body.

This journey started yesterday, my first day of being 25 years old. I have a journal entry from my 11th birthday, with a picture I drew of me in a bikini and a blurb about my dream to one day wear one. That was 14 years ago, and it kills me that I have had the same thought, the same self deprecating thoughts everyday since then, and many days before.

My husband wants to juice exclusively, after we watched "Fat , Sick and Nearly Dead" this morning. He drinks the juices I make him, albeit with a slight scowl on his face. He weighs a little more than me, but at 6'3'' looks much slimmer. He also struggles less with our exercise though he is older.

I have included some photos of the first few juices I have made, some of which were easier to swallow than others. When I make a smoothie with orange juice, I include the orange peel which adds some hard to handle tartness.

The first green juice I made included an entire lemon (with peel) though since I have cut it down to half. I also include kale, spinach, carrots, apple, cucumber, celery and parsley. Two apples instead of one helps it go down. This combo is shared in two large glasses between my husband and I.

This one was not so good, very tart from the peels.

I made an awesome smoothie today (without dirtying the juicer!) of avocado, banana, frozen berries, cherries, peaches and vanilla almond milk. It was SO GOOD. However, I did use Silk almond milk instead of making my own, which upon further inspection includes refined sugar. Boo :(

This one was AWESOME.

Aside from juices and smoothies, I have had whole fruits, salads with whole fresh ingredients, hard boiled eggs and greek yogurt. The yogurt is Chobani pineapple, which is more processed than I should be eating, but is a far step above fast food once a day. I had sushi last night, which is white rice which I should also avoid. We have started walking too (me, hubby, baby and dogs). Four miles the first day and three the second. Doesn't seem like much. Baby steps. That's what I have to remember, baby steps. I can do this. I am worth this. And if I struggle finding
                                          my own value, I know that my daughter is worth this.